non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
