I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm gonna fight the coyote
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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