he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
