So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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