The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
