Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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