im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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