I wish I could teleport
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
