Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
