it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
