The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I wish I only lived at night.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
