he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
