ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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