Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
