He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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