I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
