hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
