Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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