We won't sleep together?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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