I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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