You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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