my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
