Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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