whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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