Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
should my penis look like a turkey
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
