So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
