Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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