Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
