chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
