When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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