i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
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He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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