so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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