Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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