i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
