Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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