In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
