did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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