Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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