My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
