Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
