i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
