how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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