Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
