He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
