i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
