i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
