I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
