I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
