It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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