worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
