I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
