It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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