I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
