WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
