It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
