Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
