i would punch a child for taco bell
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
