Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
