i wish starbucks made bloody marys
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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