last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
