11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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