I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He felt like a one man threesome
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
not ubering you a puppy
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
