Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
