So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
