ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
