I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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