paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
