i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
