May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
