Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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