I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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