JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Fuck appropriateness.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
