Screwed.edu
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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