awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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