i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
