Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
