with your own penis?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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