do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
