i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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